Meet Jennifer. She a lady in debt.
Say hello to Mark. Dude mad poor.
Here is me. I owe money, as well. Unlike poor Jennifer and Marky Mark, my debt’s aiight.
Fifteen thousand dollars. Right on the line between fortunate and funked. Not crippling, not great, but manageable. Manageable enough, even, it almost excludes me from joining my peers in complaining about student loans. This displeases me.
Anyone who’s ever been on a sports team or residence life staff with me knows I love nothing more than complaining with peers. So, to secure my right to whine, I’m going to make my student loans unmanageable; starting today I’m going to pay off my loans in one year.
I’m going to try, at least.
Loans — student loans especially — are not fun. The payback period kicks in soon after graduation, right when bank accounts are hurting and job prospects are paining. And to make it all worse, that Sallie Mae is a real lady of the night. SHE A GREAT BIG HO. Or maybe she is, I don’t know.
Thing is, I’m not smart enough to figure out if my lenders are taking advantage of me. Or rather, I’m not patient enough. Finding out all that variable interest rate hooblah dooblah and loan fee goobleygook seems like it requires a lot of clicking and maybe even some phone calls, and homie don’t play dat. Plus, I figure if I sought out the bank, requested the loan, and signed the contract, it’s my own fault if I didn’t read the fine print. Hecks I barely read the bold print.
This is all I know:
I have three loans totaling $14,200. Additional debt includes:
Credit Card 1: $180 (Fancy pants and the like for work.)
Credit Card 2: $537 (Glasses are expensive, and so is babysitting your aunt’s dumb cats in Florida.)
Mammy: $444 (Tires. Thank goodness for a Mom loan.)
Evil arsehole clams: $110 (Dermatology co-payments up the wazoo.)
State of Maine: $100 (Car registration, dangit.)
In total, that’s about $15,600 in debt. I have a full-time job, a part-time job, and two generous roommates named Mammy and Pappy. Paying off my debt by next February may be improbable, but it’s not impossible.
Da plan isn’t very complicated. I’m going to work a lot, live frugally, and pay off as much as I can each month.
WORK & GIGGLE LIKE A BOSS: I will work my regular job, do data entry on the side, and pick up any random gigs I can get.
LIVE LIKE A NUTSACK: I will do my best to make my own crap instead of buying crap from stores. For instance if I need a container for nuts, I’ll sew a handmade nut sack out of an old T-shirt. Or if I need a new toilet brush, I’ll make one out of household items — a broken shelf and toilet paper, perhaps.
BLEND AND BLADE BARELY: Other than gas, food, and presents for gift-giving occasions, all my money will go toward paying off my loans. Although I’m really into blending lately, so some of it might go toward a nice blender. For the most part it’ll just be student loans, though. Also maybe a pair of rollerblades. They look fun, don’t they?
Wish me luck!
P.S. I’ve never cared much about achieving personal goals, so if this sucks too much I’m probably going to quit. I’ll try not to, but know it might happen. Fair warning.