Back in my Instagram days—so like a month ago—I used to love those “what my toddler eats in a day” posts.

One, because I like food.

Two, because I like getting ideas for food.

Three, because I like to see how my kid’s diet compares to other kids’ diets.

I stopped looking at those posts because of that last point there, number three. My son—a super fly 2-year-old who I’ll call Mr. T—eats pretty well, I think. For example, he had an egg for breakfast the other day. That’s good, right!? But he sure as hell don’t eat three pieces of tofu, organic beans, and a broccoli and salmon smoothie everyday (or ever). And it seems like that’s all these Instagram influencers feed their children.

So I’m going to list out Mr. T’s daily diet because… I want to, mostly. Nobody else cares. Maybe it’ll encourage me to feed him better? Cause two nights ago he basically only had a glass of orange juice for dinner and then was out of his mind hyphy for like, three hours. Are sugar highs real? I don’t know. I’m no nutritionist. But no matter!

Yesterday, he ate:

• Grapes
• Few bites of a raspberry fig bar that he carried around for an hour and called a burger
• Half a blueberry waffle
• Orange juice (shit)
• Slice and a half of American cheese
• Banana
• Orange
• A very large strawberry
• Baby carrots
• Half a peanut butter sandwich (whole wheat!)
• Half a chocolate croissant (not whole wheat!)
• Some whole milk
• Half a fruit leather

Midday note: It’s now 2pm. Is that too much food? Too many snacks? Damn, sure seems like it. The two of us is just jungry all the effing time. 

• More baby carrots
• Bath water
• Broccoli
• Yellow pepper
• Significant amount of ranch dressing
• Beef pizza with onions and olives (sounds disgusting right? we all succumbed to near debilitating gas afterwards and Curtis claimed my burp was “one of the nastiest things I’ve ever smelled in my life”)
• One Godiva chocolate
• A couple sips of whole milk

OK, the end. That was good. Thanks for reading.

Oh wait, one more thing—my son has a wicked old pediatrician (he was also my pediatrician when I was a kid) and at every checkup, his doctor tells me to make sure I’m feeding him chopped beef every day. That’s what he says. “Make sure to give him a little bit of chopped beef every day. You can serve it with whatever he likes. Mayonnaise, ketchup, whatever. He needs to eat furry animals for the iron.” Do other pediatricians prescribe that??