Tag Archives: help me

Funged up

A couple of weeks ago I claimed that clams ruined my life.

I lied! They didn’t ruin my life, they just funked it up real good. Funged it up, actually.

Ever since my weekend of clamming, my skin’s been acting a fool. It started with chigger bites and its accompanying lady lymph infection, and now it’s spreading all over my body. I’m currently nursing 30-40 clear warts on my hands, a couple of itchtastic welts on my big toes, and some seriously fungusy-looking rings on my elbows. They’re itchy, they’re fungly, they’re scary, and even though they’re beautifully symmetric, they’re the dirtiest bastards I’ve ever met. They make cold sores look like cankers, for goodness’ sake!

I hate you, rash

I have no idea what’s wrong with me, so I’ve been asking everyone I know what they think it could be. I’ve consulted my family, my friends, Dr. Lloyd (who turned out to be an assistant to a ultrasound technician or something), Google, a pharmacist with neat ears, and a lady in scrubs in the card aisle at Target.

Now it’s your turn. What you think this ish be? Ringworm? Celiac disease? (I was going to write leprosy, but the thought scares me too much).